When the gloves come off. . .

Per a friend's request, I'm taking a moment to write about the underside of all relationships- fights. Even in our state of newlywed bliss we've had some heated discussions. I can't say that Robert and I are really fighters. We have never screamed at each other and we've never been so mad that we haven't spoken for days. However, we have gotten aggravated with each other a lot. At those times, it's hard for both of us to understand the other's point of view. To work things out, Robert and I just end up talking, and in a way, that's all you really can do. Every couple is different though. For example, we resolve our issues by talking about them weeks later (after we've stepped away from the situation and cooled down). Funnily enough, those couple weeks are all we need for us to see each other's point of view.

You don't figure out how to settle disagreements right away. After four and a half years with Robert, I'm finally starting to know him well enough to know when to approach him and when not to. That's not to say there aren't times when my emotions get the better of me. But there are a few things I've learned about successfully resolving a fight.



(Image source: http://www.40somethingmommy.com/relationships/how-to-get-over-a-fight.html)

- Most importantly, listen. It's hard when you're angry at someone to hear his/her point of view, but as difficult as it is to acknowledge, there are two sides to every fight. Just because you feel your other half isn't making a lot of sacrifices for you, doesn't mean he/she feels the same. After all, what your partner considers a sacrifice might be different to your own idea. It won't always make the situation easier, but it is really important to understand his/her perspective and go from there. It's when you know each other's point of views you can reach the best compromise for you both.

- Remember how much you love and care about each other. It's human nature when we're angry to focus on how frustrated we are and nothing else. I know I'm really bad about losing my temper. I used to call one of my good friends and talk through my anger first, that way, when I went to Robert my head was clear and I didn't overreact. Now, I've learned to control my quick temper and think before I act. It's not always easy, and I can't say I no longer snap, but I try to think it through before I talk to Robert. Besides, he is more willing to work with me if I approach him with love rather than boxing gloves.

- Know what's worth fighting over and what isn't. Is a fight over the dishes really important? Of course, if it's something you're truly concerned about (as in it goes against your beliefs or it makes you uncomfortable) than approach your partner. If it's only a slight annoyance, perhaps it’s best to let it go.

- Do something that you both enjoy after a big fight. It helps re-establish your bond together and it helps to ease all that tension with a little fun and laughter.

In the end, fighting can make a relationship stronger. As long as you remember how much you love one another, the occasional fight is healthy. After all, even the most compatible couples have disagreements.

How do you and your partner resolve your disputes? What types of activities do you enjoy to re-establish your connection after a fight?