Wednesday, May 25, 2011

First comes love, then comes marriage, and then the big question. . .

Why is it that the moment you get engaged, and subsequently married, the first question isn't about your wedding or your new married life, but rather, when you're going to have kids? Does getting married really mean that kids have to immediately follow? Where did that time to just be with each other go? I'm a newlywed and I want to enjoy being married to my husband. Once you have children the time to be alone together goes away and I think having the time to be with each other is so important.

I have nothing against women who choose that path for themselves. Some women are just born to be mothers, but me. . . I just don't have that desire to be a parent. I don't get googly eyed when I see a baby, I don't daydream about my own children, I just don't have that motherly gene. I'm just so familiar with looking after my own needs that, frankly, I'm just too selfish for kids.

Does this mean I'll never have one? No. For one reason, I know Robert really wants kids, but also, I know myself. If I don't have a child one day I'll feel as though I missed out on something. I'd probably want one the moment my opportunity for having one passed me by. However sometimes I think I'll never be ready for children, that even in ten years I won't be saying, "let's have kids." People keep telling me "it's different when it's your own" or "once you have one things will change," but I just don't have the urge to find out.

I can't help but imagine that scene from the second Sex and the City movie; where Carrie and Big are sitting at Stanford's wedding and the other married couple stares blankly when Carrie says she doesn't want kids. But I'm taking the Carrie and Big approach for now because I love being married. Marriage was in my genes and I'm enjoying it being "just us two."


(Image source http://weheartit.com/entry/1915003)
Posted by Sarah Ryberg at 10:01 AM
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3 comments:

  1. FeistyFemmeMay 26, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    I'm approaching the almost 2 year mark, and people are finally calming down with the "when are you going to have kids???" question. I assume they think we're just not going to have any... that, and it's what I've started telling people. They do quit asking after that, lol. :)

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  2. Colours, Curves And CutiesMay 27, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    This is an odd one for me because if you'd asked me on my wedding day "are kids the next thing?" I would have 100% said YES!
    But now a month shy of two years married, our lives and mine especially has changed dramatically, so much so that I no longer see kids in my immediate future... I have to much I want to do before I have to think about anyone else other than My husband and myself...
    I see folks that got married the same year as us and they are on thier 1st and 2nd kid already and we NEVER see them anymore it's madness! Don't get me wrong I definitely love kids, and I WILL have them, just not yet.
    Well done for speaking up about it though Sarah people make assumptions so much! xx

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  3. sparkling scribblerJune 8, 2011 at 9:25 AM

    We got lucky; people really didn't ask us. For a very long time, I said I'd never have kids. Something weird happened a couple of years ago, and I changed my mind. Part of it was that "I'll regret it if I don't" idea you mentioned. But by then, Josh didn't want them! It took us another year to be on the same page. It's still weird--neither of us seem like parenting types. But we'll do it our own way, and I think our baby (or babies) will be happier for it. Just keep an open mind--I never believed people who said I'd change my mind. Whatever you end up choosing will be great.

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